i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
