dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
