just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
