you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
