I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
