i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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