I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
