All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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