If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
