Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
