And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
