like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
