I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
