How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
