Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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