A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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