Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
