They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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