is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
