I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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