Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
