Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize