I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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