so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
