she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
