Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
