the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
