just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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