Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
