I hate all girls vehemently.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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