i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
