If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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