I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
