i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
