New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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