that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
