i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
