Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
