Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
