He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
