I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
