craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
