Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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