For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
