escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
