i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
