That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
