Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
