I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
