Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
FUCK WHALES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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