JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
