i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
