I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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