Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
