She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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