What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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