It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
