we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
