I think I died a long time ago.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
