I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
