this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
