Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
