Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
