i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
