reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
