Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
