she was so not down for the gang bang
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
