Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize