i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
