would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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