Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
